Q: Kathryn, my best friend and I are similar in the looks department. When we go out, the same amount of guys hit on us both.
But in the past five years, she has had three proposals while I struggle to get past the first date.
I go on many first dates, but they usually don’t ask me for a second one.
And the few relationships that have gone longer fizzle after a few months.
Is there something I’m doing wrong? I’m told I have a good personality, I’m easygoing and do try my best to flirt.
My friend and I are very similar but how does she manage to get so many guys ga-ga over her?
She herself doesn’t know, and I can’t see that big a difference between the two of us.
I’d love to get your advice on what I need to do differently.
A: That’s a great question, and I’m sorry you’re having issues with dating.
It’s definitely something you’re doing or NOT doing that your friend does, since you two are similar.
I’d venture to guess that it has to do with your energy and what you do on a date.
There are certain things you can do that will create chemistry right away – to get you beyond Date 1.
You can make it so it feels like it’s been longer and he’ll be wanting more of you.
You can use this same process to forge a deep bond fairly quickly so your date will want to go into a commitment with you.
As you probably know, a good portion of my massive Wall of Weddings are folks who had a similar problem.
I’ve coached many, many women into a commitment, engagement and wedding who had a series of fizzles before they found my work.
Here are some basics,
• don’t try to be a big wit. That is NOT what creates a bond
• ask more questions. There are several questions you can pose that will create a bond that has him wanting more
• look in his eyes deeply and do smile. This is one of several bonding behaviors you can do to make him feel comfortable around you and close with you
• make a conscious effort to flirt. Everyone has their unique style but flirting adds a light sexual connection which creates chemistry
I bless you for finding the perfect love for you, your soulmate, and learning to date toward that delicious goal.