Spiritually speaking, we are so deeply hardwired for freedom that it can make unavailable people look good. It keeps US free (yes, this can mean YOU are unavailable!) if we pursue or wait for someone unavailable.
Attracting unavailable people and worse, paying attention to them (as in – giving them the time of day) can delay your journey into the arms of your soulmate. Some tips on dealing with unavailability:
1. When someone says they’re unavailable, they discreetly may be leaving off the words “to you.” Believe them and move on.
2. You may be chronically hanging out with unavailable types, even attracting them, because YOU’RE the unavailable one. If so, work on dissolving your fears about going deep into love so you can be available for the love you want.
3. It’s okay to go slow and make yourself available gradually, rather than all at once. If done not from fear, but from legitimate honoring of one’s self, this is a powerful step. And you may not feel available right away, taking time to warm up and trust your love interest. That’s ok.
4. It’s enticing to dance around with someone unavailable. The longing & obsessing can be enjoyable, in a strange way. And further, the elusive one can become an object to be attained, a challenge. However, this has nothing to do with love – which is why once the object of attention is gained, it can lose the allure.
At its worse, unavailability becomes a game that delays love and while perversely enjoyable, will hijack your beeline to love. The good news is that as you come together with your soulmate, (s)he will be completely available to you and vice versa PLUS the allure is there and proves to be lasting.
Heartbreak Corner: The Bat
Attachment can sometimes make people self-flagellate. In my June once-a-year Releasing a Person Workshop, a number of people came up to me upset that their ex seemed to be living the high life with their new love, whilst they were suffering badly from the breakup, unable to move on. It made things worse as they tortured themselves with thoughts of their ex in the throes of ecstasy.
Give me a break! They really didn’t know what the ex was enjoying or not enjoying because they were not in the ex’s shoes, but they were using the thought of the ex as a weapon to wallow in their misery. Why do we do this to ourselves? It is more painful than hauling out a bat and beating yourself about the head (seriously).
If you have been guilty of beating yourself up with thoughts of someone else thriving as you suffer, stop that! Put down the bat and learn a new pattern. The best way to do so is to determinedly turn your thoughts back to your own life – to where you want to go and focus on that. It’s the quickest way to move on into your own love dreams, which are even juicier than the ones you’re casting others in (and will happen as you move on).